(I do not intend for this blog post to be a sympathy seeker. Instead, I intend to inform everyone what has been going on with us this past month and about the blessings that we have received.)

This past month has been a roller coaster for us. And definitely a roller coaster of emotions for me (hormones are in full swing!). Some events have happened that have taken us by complete surprise.

I was let go from my job on January 10th. I worked as a Closing Auditor for a mortgage company for the past 2 years. The mortgage industry is always up and down. During those two years I worked there, there were times that we were so busy that I was working 60 hours a week. Lately, I have been working barely 40 hours a week trying to find things to occupy those hours. I was told by my manager about a month prior to my lay off that all of us in my department had nothing to worry about because we were expecting to be busy again in March and the company knew that we all were needed when we became busy again. So I never expected to be laid off. It came so fast that I couldn't even comprehend the news I received. I was taken to lunch to be told the bad news. I was given an hour to leave the office after we returned from lunch. So I grabbed my purse and left. I didn't know what to do. I didn't say goodbye to anyone. I didn't finish my work I had started that day. I didn't clean out my desk. I just left.

Brandon and I went back to the office around 7:30 pm after everyone had left the office for the day. This is when I cleaned out my desk and returned my keys. It was a weird feeling to drive away from that office and know that that was the last time I would be driving there ever. It is weird when you have a routine and something is such a big part of your life and it is suddenly taken away. Suddenly your life isn't the same. I have always had a job. For those who have known me for a long time know that I tend to keep going and going... not giving myself much of a break. As long as I can remember I have had at least one job. Always busy. I tend to take on too much at one time. During the 4 1/2 years I attended college, I always had a job. In fact, several semesters I had more than one job and went to school full time. I have always been used to having something to do... something to look forward to... something to plan around. So this has been a hard transition for me. I don't have something in my day that I HAVE to do or something that I need to plan around. And I also am used to having social interactions with people. I am used to talking to co-workers and having conversations with them. Now I am home by myself with no one to talk to. I feel like I need to interact and socialize with someone each day to keep me sane. It is weird to think that this job was probably my last job for a long time. I want to be a stay-at-home mom, so this will introduce me to my new life I guess:)

I went through every emotion when I was laid off. I first was shocked. Then sad. Then depressed. Then angry. Then I became panicked. There were so many unknowns and we are planning on having a baby soon. We need stability. We need a good home, a good life, a good situation to bring this baby in to. I was worried I was not going to be able to provide for my baby. So I have spent the past month trying to figure out what we are going to do to provide for this baby and to keep us afloat for the next 3 months. Brandon graduates at the end of April and we hope he receives a job offer with benefits and a decent salary. But we couldn't rely on this. So we needed to make sure we were covered until he did get a job.

We had insurance through my work. We have been saving up the money that we knew we would owe after the insurance paid their portion for us to have the baby. Brandon only works about 9 hours a week since he is in school, so we can't live off of his income. So the past month we have been living off of the money we saved to have the baby. That money quickly went away. And for insurance, we didn't know what to do. Cobra was out of the question since it is $800 a month for just me to be on the plan.

So we decided to apply for medicaid. This has been a full time job just trying to get medicaid. There was always something wrong, or something missing, or additional information needed. I was doing something with medicaid every single day for 4 weeks straight. But it was a blessing when we found out that we got medicaid. This will pay for our delivery and our doctor visits.

I also got unemployment, which will help us pay rent, car loan, car insurance, phone bill, gas, groceries, etc. It is nothing near what I was making while I was working, but this will definitely help us stay afloat during this time.

We also found out that we get to keep our supplemental insurance plan that we have been paying a large chunk of change to each month, and they will still help out with the delivery of the baby.

So after a long month of tears, frustration, prayers, and stress, it seems as though things are working out for us. We know that things could always be worse, so we are thankful for the situation that we have and for the help we have along the way to get through these trials. We are still paying our tithing and we have surely seen the blessings that have come from that. We also see the blessings we have received from prayers, help and comfort from family members. We wouldn't be able to get through this without them.

Now we have 76 days left until this baby boy is due, so this gives me time to concentrate on preparing for his arrival. I have the LONGEST to do list ever, so I better get working!

I want to thank all of you for your support and help during this time. We love each of you.

Love Steph and Brandon

Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I have been stalking the internet for the perfect bedding for the crib. I have always wanted semi-neutral bedding, but it has to be the perfect bedding:) I have had a vision in my head of exactly what I want, and it is seeming more impossible everyday to find that perfect set. I dislike everything that has to do with cars, trucks, zoo animals, Disney characters (this is probably the only time you will ever hear dislike of Disney characters come out of my mouth... or from my fingers!), stars, polka dots, stripes, sports, and the ABC's. I like simple, classy and elegant, but modern. And within a reasonable price.

What we have imagined from the beginning is something incorporating gray, white and black with teal as an accent color. We have thought about gray and white damask, black and white damask, and even black, white, and gray damask.

We got a changing table and crib from my aunt and want to paint them. But we want to wait to paint them until we get the bedding. We will paint the crib and table either black or white depending on what the bedding looks like and which one looks best with the bedding. But we want to paint these soon so I am still able to. Who knows how my mobility will be in another month. So we need to decide on bedding asap so we can start painting!

Here I sit at 27 weeks, at 2:00 am, looking at the same websites I have been looking at for over 6 months now. I am exhausted and my eyes are totally blood shot. This then causes me to sleep in until 10 am, skip my morning workout class, and be lazy the rest of the day. THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!!! I honestly dream about bedding in my sleep. I am sick of it. So help me figure out what to do.

Here are the options, and I am TOTALLY open for other options and opinions. So if there has ever been a post of mine that you need to comment on, this is it.

1. Buy the bedding I like and fork out the money. But between me being unemployed and Brandon working very few hours a week leaves us with very little money to be spending on "wants" for the baby. But if this will be a totally worth it purchase, than I need to know. Here are some images of the beddings I have created myself. Total cost: $327 (Trim on skirt costs $5 more).

A few differences on each picture. This one has the white bumper and skirt, but with damask trim on the skirt.

This one has damask bumper and skirt, with white trim.
This one also has damask bumpers and skirt, shorter skirt which is cheaper ($5) and no trim ($5 cheaper).
Or does it look better with a black crib?
And what if we added turquoise ties?

2. Buy a plain white bumper and a plain white bed skirt. These can be found for less than $50 total. Then I can either buy the gray damask sheet ($36) or a plain gray sheet, which I have yet to find. Oh and the gray damask blanket ($54). Totaling probably around $140-150. Is this too plain?

3. Buy a set that includes all the pieces needed for a decent price and deal with the fact that it has prints on it. Just don't concentrate on it.

$161

$100

$180

$150

$270. (Still expensive, and is it too much damask? Will I get sick of it?)

4. Buy this plain bedding set for $100. I would probably get the ivory because the others are just too much of a color for me. What color of sheet would I do?

5. Make the bedding. I went around to 3 fabric stores today and couldn't find exactly what I wanted. I started considering plain grays and whites, but the fact of me having to make it makes me not even want to approach this route. I am not a seamstress and do not have confidence to make my baby bedding. I feel like I would spend at least $100 on fabrics alone... so to me it doesn't seem worth it to make the bedding when I could spend $100 and have it made already. But is this better than buying $300 plus bedding?


UGH I don't know! I need help.